If you haven’t watched any of the videos recreating Walter Mischel’s “Marshmallow Experiment,” I suggest you check them out. I particularly like Joachim de Posada’s TED Talk (TED.com) that includes a video recreation of the Stanford University experiment with Hispanic children. While the video is very funny, the message is an important one. Short version: the ability to delay gratification is directly related to success in school, relationships and work. In the video we see children given a choice. They could have one marshmallow now –or - if they could wait and not eat it for 15 minutes, they would be given a second tasty marshmallow. The experiment with 4, 5 and 6 year-olds has been repeated in many countries with comparable results – only one out of three children is able to wait. At the end of the presentation there is a call to action: teach our children to delay gratification and deal with frustration or suffer the consequences. I can tell you as a high school teacher, we are already dealing with the consequences.
So how do we teach delayed gratification? It is really hard to do in a fast-paced, high entertainment society. Many parts of our local communities are under immense stress, which means the focus might not always be on the children and their needs.
One idea: Parents, carve out pockets of time to focus on the most important needs of your children – quiet bonding time. Bedtime routines that involve reading to children and listening to their questions are invaluable. The benefits are two-fold. Asking them what they think, before giving your interpretation, gives children a moment to reflect and shows children their ideas are important to you. Children are less likely to be disruptive if they know they will have your undivided attention for a portion of the day.
Thomas Wartenberg and Matthew Lipman have written extensively about allowing children to reflect and share their ideas. Wartenberg’s book Big Ideas for Little Kids; Teaching Philosophy Through Children’s Literature even has lesson plans. While you might not read this book yourself, check to see if your school district’s Early Childhood Curriculum Specialist has, and if any of the principles have been integrated in the curriculum. If not, educate yourself. Ask your local library if they can obtain a copy through the interlibrary loan system and pick up some tips for asking your little ones some big questions. You’ll be fascinated to find out what’s going on in those curious and intuitive minds, and you’ll be helping your child develop abstract reasoning skills.
The NY Times had an interesting article “The Neuroscience of Your Brain on Fiction” which lists the vast benefits to brain development, the ability to read people’s intentions, the ability to empathize with others, etc. Your brain gets to try on other’s lives through reading in a way that it can’t do through TV. According to the article:
Dr. Oatley and Dr. Mar, in collaboration with several other scientists, reported in two studies, published in 2006 and 2009, that individuals who frequently read fiction seem to be better able to understand other people, empathize with them and see the world from their perspective. This relationship persisted even after the researchers accounted for the possibility that more empathetic individuals might prefer reading novels. A 2010 study by Dr. Mar found a similar result in preschool-age children: the more stories they had read to them, the keener their theory of mind.
So, read to your children often, and get them “hooked on reading.” The younger children get hooked on reading, the better they will be able to cope with life’s difficulties and frustrations, the better they will understand figurative, abstract language like metaphors and analogies, the earlier they will conceptualize meta-cognition (one’s ability to think about thinking). Take your child to “story time” at the local library, and get a library card. As soon as your child can read, have him read to you. Better still, have your child write and illustrate her own stories – with a little assistance from mom or dad, and technology. Try to cut down on TV time, but when you do watch, talk with your child about themes and characters and ask questions.
There is much you can do as a parent to help your child succeed in life, and it starts far before kindergarten. Please feel free to comment with favorite children’s books, software for creating books, ideas for creating plays for and by children. Let’s get the ideas flowing.
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